I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
