It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
