Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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