remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
