we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
