She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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