Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
