she was so not down for the gang bang
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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