When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
