If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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