Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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