Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
