You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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