My liver just broke up with me...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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