I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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