found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
