They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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