ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
