that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
