Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
