I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
