he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
