I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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