I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
