Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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