In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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