D3 body, D1 cock
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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