This house was built for laser tag.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
