Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
