I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
