That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
