Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
