He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
