from now on my penis is your penis
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
