I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
