if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
