I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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