If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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