What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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