i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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