In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
