There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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