I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The air was thick with penises
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
