the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
