And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
