i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
