I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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