I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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