"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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