i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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